I want to start with this phrase:
You can knock down the walls on the way to your dream, but the main walls to be knocked out are in your head. Those walls need to be destroyed first before you can move forward.
Did you read my book? If yes, you know I was trying hard to bring my family from Ukraine here due to the war and my fear for their safety. Great news that my mom, my sister, and my niece were able to come, and now we are working on creating some feeling of stability for them here. No secret it is difficult for them and me.
I started to travel the world at 19 years old, and after that almost didn't live at home and had a lot of time to grow my personality and break my internal walls.
But what happened after my family came to live with me while Ukraine fights the battle of survival, I am about to share with you today.
Before I start, I want to say this, I love to have them here, so don't get me wrong, what I am about to tell you.
The walls I broke ...
The mentality in Ukraine is very different, I grew up in it, and I was taught by my parents what they knew about the world and how it is supposed to be lived.
In 13 years, I brock and destroyed so many walls in my head. The list below is just a few to list.
I stopped working about what other people think about me or my way of living;
I cleaned my speech of empty or negative words;
I broke stereotypes of what a woman is supposed to do or be;
I cleared some money blocks, like "You have to work hard to make money."
I broke the victim mentality that was passed to me;
I took responsibility for everything happening in my life.
I can keep on going and probably will come up with a list of more than 50 things. But this article is not about that.
What I learned recently was my eye-opener. WOW
People will try to build your walls again because it is what they know!
So after my mom and my family arrived, I saw some of my walls rise from the ashes again.
I screamed in my mind:
Why is it happening?
I want to share with you why and how to fight against it.
Why is it happening?
It was falling into old ways of thinking. Something from the past came into your life again, and your mind remembered that, trying to go to what it knew before - a trigger from the past!
Your family or friends who came back to your life might try to push their beliefs on you, especially if your parents feel an obligation to teach you how to live your life.
Trying to make someone comfortable, you unconsciously will try to mirror them.
The energy of others will influence you as well.
How can you not go back and stand firm on what you accomplished.?
If you ended up in the same or similar situation, I completely understand you. But what to do and how to hold your ground?
Here are a few crucial steps and clues:
Identify old thoughts coming to you, and be conscious about them. Check them before they even try to enter your mind again. Say something like this: I see you, but this is not me anymore, and I have a new way of doing it. You can come up with what suits you better.
Identify your triggers. Once you know what triggers your old behavior, try to avoid it or, even better, tie the trigger to something positive. This will resolve this issue once and for all. This could not be easy to do on your own. If you are ready and need help, I am here to help.
If someone is trying to put their ways of thinking on you, don't be afraid to speak up and cut it off. Or say, thanks for your opinion, but I have my way of doing it/thinking about this.
Don't be afraid to speak up for your trues overall. You spent too much time working on yourself to fall into the same trap.
This is the most important! Remember who you are now and who you want to be. Let that guide you forward.
So often, we spend so much time building ourselves up and breaking our mental walls, but sometimes past will try to catch you once again, and it is your responsibility to hold your ground and fight for your identity once again.
As always, I am here to help! If you find yourself in the same situation and need your life and career coach support, I am one call away - book your session today!